How Could I Let This Guy Go?

With temps near 100 degrees these past few days, my walk at Spring Lake County Park in Santa Rosa was hot but invigorating. I was a half-mile from the end when I paused in the shade to look at the large area map. I heard a man’s booming voice say to me, “Are we almost there?” I looked over and recognized him from earlier on the path. I merrily retorted, “We’re already there!” I recalled his loud voice shouting commands at his dog, and thought how odd it was to use words like “Stop!” “Let’s Go!” and “C’mon” as dog commands.

I immediately got the “pick up” vibe. He was about my age and reminded me of Dennis Leary a little. I didn’t sense any danger and we started walking together. He talked for one solid hour about himself, in the style of “bad-comedy-routine.” Every other sentence began with, “You’re gonna love this,” or “This is so funny,” sometimes accompanied by a tap on my arm.  The topics ranged from his Five-Pillar Self-Improvement Program, to how Jews are taking over the world, how screwed up the government is, his meditation practice (huh?), his belief that some people just need the shit kicked out of them, his spiritual epiphanies, that Barack Obama isn’t a US citizen, his niece’s stupidity, the idiot friends of his neighbor, that most women were fickle morons, his lack of success in dating (hello!), that he’s a Christian Scientist, that he’s not one of those "Twelve Steppers,” that he’s God’s gift to women, how you can’t get too close to minorities because of the diseases they carry, the end of the world in 2012, etc.

You may be wondering why I stuck with it for so long. It was kind of hard to break away, since he followed me to my car and hung around while I changed my shoes, drank water, and ate an apple (gave him one). But that’s not entirely it. I didn’t get the “flee from this energy-vampire!” feeling until an hour had gone by. Maybe I was too depleted from the walk to offer much resistance. Finally I nudged in two minutes of my own thoughts. I said I had an opposite world view and confessed that most of the things he talked about didn’t interest me (this might have been a good time to mention that I’m a Jew).  I said that I believe in the goodness of people and the evolution of the collective consciousness as the means by which humanity will survive. As I spoke, I noticed a difference in his demeanor, like a switch clicking "off."  I segued into telling him that I was camping tonight, needed to set up, it was getting late.

It was at this point that he seemed to realize for the first time that he’d been talking to another person. Although he’d been facing my crammed-full car for 35 minutes, he all of a sudden “noticed” it and asked if I was traveling. I gave him the, “I’m searching for my destiny” line and he responded with a yawn.

Why didn’t I think of that an hour ago!